Landslide

For the past few weeks, I’ve been dealing with goodbyes and nice to meet yous ever since I decided to accept a principal position 3 hours from home. It’s been overwhelming, thrilling, and down right scary!

As I was listening to music on my drive up to Kansas City the other day, the remake of Landslide by the Dixie Chicks came on Pandora. Being one of my favorite songs, I was singing along when I realized that the chorus summed up all of my feelings in 5 short phrases.

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too

My entire life has been about playing it safe. My anxiety has always been about keeping things as level as possible so that I can keep all of the plates spinning. Sure I’ve been “brave” over the past few years with going back to school, writing and presenting, and going into administration, but those chances kept everything at home pretty level. I could do those things because I felt like it only changed MY day to day. I always knew I had a safety net waiting for me at home.

As a child of divorce, my marriage and my relationship with David has always been front and center. I will admit that there have been many choices made because I was worried about the unknown consequences that may hurt our relationship. I’ve always worried that one of my decisions would be like knocking down the first domino in a domino train. However, from the moment I was offered this opportunity, I knew in my gut that this was the right move for me. This was the first time I was truly being bold.

All that being said, there are still many moments where I worry. It’s just where my mind goes and I think that is natural with a move. But, it’s time for that to change. Instead of worrying, I’m going to focus on my hopes and pray that these all come true:

• I hope that when my kids look back at this time in their life, they will see that their mother did what she thought was best and that they learned how to be a little more brave because of me.
• I hope that my husband is proud and impressed with my willingness to take the biggest chance I’ve taken since we’ve been married. He’s my biggest supporter and making him proud is always important to me.
• I hope that this experience will enrich our lives in ways we didn’t think possible.
• I hope that I have an impact on my new school and that I build lifetime relationships with those I work with.
• And, finally, I hope that I grow as a mother, wife, friend, and educator over the next year.