The One Where They Had to Pivot: Holiday Edition

I’ve been reflecting on the upcoming holidays and how this year might look different than those in the past. One of my favorite family traditions is what we do every Christmas Eve with my family. To truly understand it, you must know that this is held at my father’s house and while it’s big, it’s not really built to handle a family of our size when there is a pandemic. 

Most years, there are at least the following people at this annual event: 

• At least 5 various parents (our parents, step-parents, my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law’s parents, and various other adults looking for a place to spend the evening)

• 7 siblings

• 7 significant others

• My husband’s brother and sister-in-law

• 15 nieces and nephews 

All of that equals at least 34 bodies who really all want to be in the same room. It’s loud, it’s crazy, you are always stepping around or over someone and once you find a spot, you try to stay there. I absolutely love every minute of it. 

As we get closer to that date, I’ve started to reimagine what the holidays could look like for our family. How do I take this possibly HUGE disappointment of not being able to come together as normal and turn it into a memory that the family can look back on fondly? While we’ve become really good at pivoting this year, I know that this is a tall order for myself and my family. 

But then I stop and remember the holidays where things didn’t work out as planned. How our plans were ruined last second and we still somehow made memories that have lasted a lifetime.  There was that one Halloween in Wichita where it snowed so much that trick-or-treating wasn’t even possible. That Thanksgiving where we were supposed to go to Dallas and ended up having to throw together a meal on Wednesday because Ryleigh had a fever. And finally, that one Christmas when I was 12 when I had strep throat and we had pasta for dinner and enjoyed a quiet day with just our family instead of being with our huge Begley family. 

Looking back, I couldn’t have imagined those days any differently. They seemed to have turned out exactly how they were supposed to. And I know this year will be no different.

PS: To give you a visual, this picture is just a few years old and we've added 5 grandbabies and two significant others to this picture. And this is just my siblings, my dad, and my stepmom.

Fall Means New Beginnings with a New Purpose

A Quick Note From Me:

It's been so long since I've blogged, but I got hit with inspiration the other day. Usually, my blogs are emotionally driven and I have a lot to write about a particular subject. This time, I'm doing a little of this and a little of that with my typical emotion finding its place. I hope what I share brings value to you and your leadership in the classroom, at the building level, or at the district office!.

What I’ve learned from the last week: 

Me: What’s the difference between trying to control something and doing what needs to be done? (COVID related operations for school)

Counselor: Where you carry it. If it’s in your body, that’s you trying to control the uncontrollable. If it’s doing what needs to be done, it’s simply a checklist in your mind.

Me: Well, damn.  So this is why my shoulders are always tight! I’m doing it all wrong. Tips and Tricks

Tips & Tricks:

“Are you helping or are you hurting? Be a helper.”

In 2014, this became my one and only “rule” in my classroom.

As I became a principal, I kept it. I love that it applies to all areas of life and it’s not so much a rule as it is a way to check in with your words and actions. In fact, after teaching this saying, I can usually just ask if they are helping and they self-correct. I know I sure need to hear it from time to time.

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

Kindergarten funny: “So, as we are working on an Alphabet presentation, a little girl raised her hand and asked me to help her find elimino.  Confused, I asked her to say that again.  She said, "I'm on K and I can't find elimino."  CUTE!!!

Counselor Corner: : 

Educators are responding to a hidden threat during COVID. They are in fight, flight or freeze most of the day trying to keep the kids and themselves safe. This is a steady dose of trauma. ---Counselor Emily

Articles I loved: 

What Teachers Want From Their Leaders Right Now: 

Principals Here’s What Teachers Want You to Know But Feel Like They Can’t Say

Great Words of Advice:

What’ I’m reading or listening to:

No Ego: How Leaders Can Cut the Cost of Workplace Drama, End Entitlement, and Drive Big Results by Cy Wakeman

No Ego disposes with unproven HR maxims and instead offers a complete plan to turn your office from a den of discontent to a happy, productive place.: 

Who To Follow on Twitter:

Danny Steele: @Steelethoughts

Liz Garden: @PrincipalGarden

Hamish Brewer: @brewerhm

Jessica Gomex: @mrsjessgomez

Pride Month: For Families, Too

Pride month kicked off with me dropping my child and a friend at their first pride event last Saturday. Since then, social media has been full of articles and videos celebrating Pride and it’s been beautiful. That being said, this video brought me to tears.

This video was powerful to me because it acknowledged my feelings as a parent in a way that wasn’t hateful, but full of empathy. It told me that my initial reaction...fear...denial...confusion…..was normal. It told me that I wasn’t alone. It presented to me the possibility that others would accept what I’m coming to accept. There are others walking my path and we aren’t doing it perfectly, but that doesn’t mean we can’t come to terms and accept and love our children for exactly who they are.

Love calls back is powerful because it means that our first reaction isn’t our final reaction.

You see, our family members aren’t the only ones on a journey.

What I’ve learned on my journey:

• I have to grieve what I thought was to be that was never going to be and that’s okay. In fact, it’s normal.
• I’ve come to accept that my identity isn’t wrapped up in my kid’s identity. They don’t deserve that pressure.
• My fears are real because the truth is that not everyone will be accepting. And while I can’t control others, I can be that safe place.
• I have to be honest with my struggles because the only way through the fear of the unknown is to seek support. I yearn for the day when I’m on the other side of all of this and I can be the support another mother needs.
• My husband proved once again that he is the man I thought he was when I married him. He accepts it all and just wants our kids to be happy. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have questions, but he just accepts it and moves on. This is when I wish I was more logical and less emotional.

At the end of the day, my journey is nothing compared to those who are coming out. You see.….It isn’t about me.

It’s scary... it can be painful...and I worry all the time.

But, It’s not about me.

That being said, it sure is helpful to see other families who are examples of who I aspire to be. It’s been an unexpected blessing to see that Pride month is for families, too.  

Landslide

For the past few weeks, I’ve been dealing with goodbyes and nice to meet yous ever since I decided to accept a principal position 3 hours from home. It’s been overwhelming, thrilling, and down right scary!

As I was listening to music on my drive up to Kansas City the other day, the remake of Landslide by the Dixie Chicks came on Pandora. Being one of my favorite songs, I was singing along when I realized that the chorus summed up all of my feelings in 5 short phrases.

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too

My entire life has been about playing it safe. My anxiety has always been about keeping things as level as possible so that I can keep all of the plates spinning. Sure I’ve been “brave” over the past few years with going back to school, writing and presenting, and going into administration, but those chances kept everything at home pretty level. I could do those things because I felt like it only changed MY day to day. I always knew I had a safety net waiting for me at home.

As a child of divorce, my marriage and my relationship with David has always been front and center. I will admit that there have been many choices made because I was worried about the unknown consequences that may hurt our relationship. I’ve always worried that one of my decisions would be like knocking down the first domino in a domino train. However, from the moment I was offered this opportunity, I knew in my gut that this was the right move for me. This was the first time I was truly being bold.

All that being said, there are still many moments where I worry. It’s just where my mind goes and I think that is natural with a move. But, it’s time for that to change. Instead of worrying, I’m going to focus on my hopes and pray that these all come true:

• I hope that when my kids look back at this time in their life, they will see that their mother did what she thought was best and that they learned how to be a little more brave because of me.
• I hope that my husband is proud and impressed with my willingness to take the biggest chance I’ve taken since we’ve been married. He’s my biggest supporter and making him proud is always important to me.
• I hope that this experience will enrich our lives in ways we didn’t think possible.
• I hope that I have an impact on my new school and that I build lifetime relationships with those I work with.
• And, finally, I hope that I grow as a mother, wife, friend, and educator over the next year.

The Road Less Traveled

So many times, educators' efforts are geared towards getting students college ready because we know that this has been declared the industry standard of excellence for schools. However, now there is a new line of thinking that challenges this notion by asking what does post secondary success really looks like?

As a principal and a mom of four, it has just been assumed that all of my kids would attend college, obtain a degree, and move on to bigger and better things that don’t require my financial assistance. In fact, my sons have already started this path and have completed their junior and freshman years of college at Wichita State University.

Life was going as planned.

On Memorial Day, Camren, my 19-year-old son, came to my husband and I and told us that he wanted to join the Air National Guard. He said that he didn’t like taking classes that were not in his field of interest and he felt restless and wanted to take an alternative path. He then explained that he was confident he would test well and qualify for a path in computer science through the ANG. He continued with all of the pros for this decision and it was clear that he had done his research and that this was something he had truly thought about for awhile.

David and I’s initial reaction was shock. Here is a kid who graduated high school with a 3.6 GPA, a composite score of 28 on his ACT, and who had scholarship offers telling us he didn’t want to go to college at this time. This was our kid who made school and testing look like a breeze. This was our kid who just “got” whatever you put in front of him at school. This was not our kid who we thought would take a alternative route.

Even so, as he talked with us, I have to admit that I had never seen Camren more motivated or excited about the possibilities. All I could do is look at my husband and say, “He’s 19 years old. It’s his choice. All we can do is support him.”

I know I’ve preached this to anyone that would hear it for the past couple of years, but success isn’t just a 4-year degree. Success is knowing what you want and taking a road that is meaningful for you. As I watch Camren do his research and prepare for what’s ahead, I can’t help but be proud of him. He’s engaged in his path and it’s breathtaking to watch.

Who Says We Can't: As Posted on Moms As Principals

Dear World,

A couple of weeks after I (Kelley)  turned 20 years old, Trisha Yearwood’s song, XXX’s and OOOs, was released. During that summer, I remember driving along and singing at the top of my lungs:

She used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows

Sign her letters with X's and O's

Got a picture of her Momma in heels and pearls

She's trying to make it in her Daddy's world

She's an American girl

An American girl

Two years later, I welcomed my son, Braden, into the world and suddenly knew the full meaning of the song.

While many women work, taking a leadership role is often a balancing act that we aren’t sure we can do well. The guilt we feel is compounded by the messages we sometimes receive from those around us. We wonder if we are doing the right thing. We wonder if we can truly have it all.

Then, we wonder why we can’t.

Here is a list of what the ladies and I have learned about ourselves over the last few years:

• We can be passionate about our families AND our role as building leaders.
• We can forgive ourselves for our mom and principal fails. No one is perfect.
• We can be good mothers while also being instructional leaders.
• We can be caring, but we can also be tough when necessary.
• We can overcome obstacles and be successful.
• We can empower others to do what’s best for kids.
• We can be vulnerable and strong.
• We can make a difference in the lives of those at home and at school.
• We can have an impact on how education looks and feels for our students.
• We can achieve balance while also knowing it’s important to sometimes make a choice between work and family.
• We can find a way to laugh through our tears and frustrations.
• We can love our school students hard while loving our own kids. We don’t need to choose.
• We can build other women leaders up because it’s not a competition.

We ARE mothers, wives, sisters, friends, and the best leaders we know how to be.

I think I can say that I'm not only making it in my Daddy’s world, I’m killing it.


With Love, 

Intentional: One Word 2018

While doing an exercise with my INspired Leadership Coach, Tamara Konrade, I learned that connecting, caring, and creating are the action words that I embody when I’m working at my highest energy level.  Looking towards 2018, this is where I want to focus my energy to find fulfillment.

Knowing these three words were key to finding my joy, I struggled with finding my one word for 2018. I couldn’t find anything that would encompass all three. I know I could have gone with synergy, but it wasn’t clicking with me.  I thought about cultivating, but the definition held me back. I started playing with the online thesaurus to find some inspiration and found this:

Intentional: made, given, or done with full awareness of what one is doing

I knew that if I was intentional about connecting, caring and creating, I would a have a very successful year. I'd found my #oneword.

Connecting:

If you know me, you know I live for connecting with others. And while I love to connect, sometimes the demands of my job or life get in my way. I want to be intentional about connecting with those around me and learn whatever I can from even the smallest interactions. It is my intention to be more present than I have been in the past.

Caring:

As a mom, big sister, and educator, caring is in my DNA. I can’t imagine a life where I wasn’t caring for others. I want to make moments count. I want to care for others through my actions and through my time.  

I also need to be intentional with how I care for MYSELF. I can’t care for others if my tank is empty. I want to continue on the journey of health that I have started in 2017 and maybe even kick it up a notch!

Creating:

While I’ve never thought of myself as creative, I feel most alive when I’m creating alongside others. The moments I love most are when my team and I are planning and designing for what we want our school to become. I live for those moments of pure synergy. They feed my soul.

Another place I feel this synergy is with my Moms As Principals tribe. When this group came to be two years ago, I had no idea how many needs it would be meeting for others and myself. This is where I can be my true self and really rely on others to help me grow and create. I can’t wait to see what this year holds for us and how many knew caring connections I will find.