Relationships Matter

This is from a letter to my teachers...

I think sometimes I have one of the best jobs in our school for building relationships with kids. While that may sound strange since I don’t have a classroom, it makes a lot of sense if you think about it. You see, I have lots one-on-one time with many of our students. Sometimes they are in crisis and sometimes they are with me because they made a choice that landed them in my office. Either way, it's just the two of us building a relationship.

As we spend time together, I get the opportunity to learn more about them and help them try to figure out the why behind their behavior. I also get to teach them better ways to handle their emotions or situations. Sometimes, I have to re-teach those lessons over and over. But, during those lessons, I'm also building trust. They know I care about them….that I believe in them.

While this all sounds positive, there is a downside to all of this. If I'm having those moments, you, the teacher, are not. How often do you get 20 or 30 minutes to work one-on-one with your student during the day? How often are those moments happening when you don’t have 23 other kiddos to teach? The reality is that in order for you to devote that much time to one student, you must be giving up your breaks, lunches, and before or after school. While this is possible, it’s not fair to you. You need balance, too.

My point to all of this? If you ever want me to come in and take over your class while you take what would normally be my time with them to solve an issue, I'd be happy to do that. I'll come in and teach, read a book, or lead a discussion. I would be happy to give you the time you need if you thought that might make a difference.

Now...please know that I get that sometimes you might not feel ready to help them because of what they might have just done. Sometimes, we are just too frustrated to be effective. I completely understand that. Heck, sometimes I have them sit there awhile because I'm frustrated that they are back for an issue that we have gone over many times. (I call this a Principal time-out at school and a Mommy time-out at home.) I just wanted to give you the opportunity to switch it up.

Now, below you will see an image of a great behavior management tool that may make a huge difference for you. If you have a kiddo that you are struggling with and you decide to try this, I would love to hear how it worked for you!

If you would like to learn more about this method, click here: https://thecornerstoneforteachers.com/the-2x10-strategy-a-miraculous-solution-for-behavior-issues/

Thanks for reading!

0

I'm All About Connections...

 My mentor and friend, Tamara Konrade, looked at me during a recent coaching session and explained to me why I feel so passionately about relationships...she said I was all about connections. She said that I want to feel connected to others and I want others to feel connected to me.

She's absolutely right.

(It's always interesting when someone holds up a mirror to your soul. In that moment, you truly learn something about yourself.)

As I flew to the National Principals Conference a week ago, I couldn't wait to connect with the people I've been talking with for two years. I knew they understood my career and my passion, but what I wasn't sure about is if we would connect as well in person as we do on Voxer. You see, I may seem outgoing with a big ol' smile on my face, but I fear rejection. I fear that we won’t really connect. So, to say I was nervous and scared might have been the understatement of the year. (Can you say #middleschoolmemories)

Luckily for me, I had nothing to fear. We all greeted each other like we were long lost friends. We had moments where we laughed until our sides hurt. We had passionate conversations about what our students need to succeed. We even challenged each other's thinking.

It was epic!
Moral of the story: 

0

I'll Be There For You (as posted on momsasprincipals.wordpress.com)

When I started my journey as principal, I knew it would be lonely at the top. What I wasn’t prepared for was how lonely I was when I got home.  I have wonderful friends, but I inadvertently pushed them away by either talking about my new situation or not saying anything at all. I needed to talk and I needed support, but I didn’t want to burden anyone with the rush of change I was dealing with. Even with my husband, he either gets one-word answers about my day or he ends up listening to me for an hour because I just can’t stop talking. When the floodgates open…watch out.

Fast forward to last Saturday night…

I was at home catching up on Voxes from the Mom Bloggers when the thought occurred to me that these ladies have walked me through the last year and a half of my life. They may know more about my days than my husband does. They know when I’m happy…they know when I’m sad.  We even joke about how we are living parallel lives when we experience similar days or situations.

What is hard to explain to others is how you can be friends with someone you may have only met once or not at all. How do you build a friendship with someone by just dropping voice messages in an app? The only way I can explain this is by sharing some of the things we have encountered as a group:

•      Illness/Surgery
•      Successes and struggles at work
•      Mom fails
•      Wife fails 
•      Our children’s personal struggles that have led to feelings of helplessness
•      Deaths of family or friends

Every day, we go to Voxer to:

•      Check in with each other
•      Cheer each other on
•      Vent, cry, laugh and even talk in hashtags when we are being particularly silly

​These ladies have helped me not feel so alone. They tell me the truth. They challenge my thinking. They make me a better mom, wife, and educator. I will forever be thankful for their support and their friendship.

0

My Why Revisited

When people find out what I do and where I do it, many ask me why I drive all the way to Hutchinson (a 45 minute commute) every day to work as a principal. They ask me things like: 
 
How do you handle the drive?
Doesn't it take a lot away from your family?
How do you handle balancing it all? 
What about dealing with all of the behaviors? Is it worth it?
Why would anyone want to do such a thankless job?
 
 
These are all valid questions. They can also be great hurdles. I have to have strategies in place to help me combat the side effects. Here are some of those answers/strategies:
 
How do I handle the drive? I handle the drive because my morning and afternoon drives are filled with Voxer messages from fellow principals from all over the country. They offer support, advice and professional development every single day. They are my life-line. They make it possible for me to get back on the horse...even after the days where I've been bucked off. And even though I heard some version of  "Cowgirls don't cry" from my Papa all the time, sometimes it does help to do that on the way home, too.   
 
Does it take away from my family? How do you balance it all?  I'm a work in progress when it comes to balance. When education is your passion, you can't ever turn it off. It does get in the way of family time. I never see my kids in the morning and I leave way too late. However, when my family needs me, I don't ever feel guilty about putting them first. 
 
What about behaviors? Well, we all know behaviors are the toughest part of our jobs. They wear us out. We don't have the answers or the magic wand. All we can do is work as a team, keep coming up with ideas, and keep trying. Our kids can't afford for us to give up on them. 
 
(However…IF someone has a magic wand, I would be happy to ask PTO for the funds to buy it!  J)
 
 
Why would you want to work in education? 
 
There are many reasons for my why:

• I get to come to work where I get more smiles & hugs than tears.
• I usually get to make a difference in at least one person's day.
• With our population of students, I get the privilege of working with kids who need us more than most. In fact, their trust in us is a priceless gift...especially when the world hasn’t always been kind to them.
• And my favorite why: that moment when you know you have made a connection with a student that you’ve worked so hard with. There is nothing better in education. 

 
I know this time of year can be very difficult so I want you all to take care of yourself and lean on your tribe. It’s the difference between surviving and thriving. 

0